Confrontation: Almost as Bad as an Empty Jar of Peanut Butter

I hate confrontation. Hate hate hate hate hate it. I cannot express how much I absolutely loathe it. I'm sure I'm not alone here. Confrontation is scary. You have to seem strong and assertive, but not aggressive. You need to hold your ground (and not cry, which is kind of an issue for me). There's a fear of the unknown. How will SoAndSo take it? Will this create damage between SoAnSo and I's relationship? Oy vey. 

Well, sometimes we have to do the things we don't want to do. I've needed to have a conversation with one of my friends for a while. It's been a source of anxiety (and, thus, lack of sleep) for quite some time now, and I finally had a chance to sit down and talk to her. I was so terrified of what would happen. And, quite shockingly, it went well. I was strong, she was understanding, and we talked everything out. Now we just need to hope that this creates lasting change!

On a lighter note, I've decided to do random outfit of the days (OOTDs if you will) whenever I have an acceptable outfit on and happen to take a picture.

The world's most awkward mirror pic. I don't have a photographer yet.

Top - Forever 21

Scarf - Forever 21

Leggings - Urban Outfitters, BDG

Shoes - Hella beat up Toms (they're like 3 years old, I suppose that's what I should expect from shoes made out of cloth)

I hope this could be considered semi-acceptable. I just got the shirt and scarf in an order from Forever 21 that came in the other day (everything fit! Which is truly the best thing from forevs because their return policy is literally the worst). I have a feeling I'm going to wear this shirt all the time this winter. It's comfy, can be made cute with minimal accessories, and is surprisingly warm for a loose Forever 21 top. Now I just need to get some fall work out clothes. What capri and long workout leggings do you recommend? Nothing tooooo pricy please.

Now, I'm about to go to bed. My roommate fell asleep watching netflix and I have to somehow stealthily turn off her iPad because apparently I can't sleep with it in the background. I mean I really haven't slept in a while. Oh well.

The saddest part of the peanut butter jar. May your night's rest be better than this.

-Kulie Julie

Lists from the brain

The past few days have left me with a few thoughts in my brain that I wanted to blog about, so today is list day!!!! Yay!!!! (I love making lists.)

1. I love my internship.
I have an internship in a high school guidance office (oh just so you know, I want to be a guidance counselor). I basically just observe and do small projects. I can't actually have a case load or meet with students because I'm not a Master's student, nor do I have a Master's degree. But that's okay, because I love my internship anyway. All of the guidance counselors are super cool and funny and generally awesome. When I'm observing, I can totally see myself doing what they're doing. I want to do what they're doing. Even when I'm doing little projects that were kind of given to me because they're tedious and the counselors don't have time to do them, I'm having fun. On Thursday, I was filling out an Excel spreadsheet for most of the day, and it was great! This internship is seriously one of the most rewarding things I've done. I don't even mind the fact that I have to get up at 7:30 (which is early for me) on Tuesdays and Thursdays to be there. It's just that fantastic. Now I just need to start applying to grad school so I can become a guidance counselor. Not sure if that will be as fun and exciting.

Soon to be me in my starring turn.

2. I'm not sure if I'm loving the play I'm in.
I'm a theater geek. I've done theater since high school. It's helped me open up so much and make so many amazing friends. Seriously, before theater I was painfully shy. Last month I was cast in my school's production of "End Days" (which is a dark comedy about a family affected by 9/11) as Stephen Hawking (yes, that Stephen Hawking) It's a really fun part, and pretty small, which is what I wanted since I'm super busy with school, the aforementioned internship, ect. However, every night we have rehearsal I am not excited about going. It's not that I don't like the cast or director, because I DO like the cast and director. They're hilarious. It's not that I don't like the play, because I DO like the play. It's hilarious. When I'm at rehearsal it's usually pretty fun, but for some reason my heart just isn't in this play as much as it has been with previous productions. It's kind of sad. I love acting and theater, but I'm just not that into it this semester. Womp. Womp.

I hate you all.

3. Treadmills are the worst.
On Wednesday, it was gross and rainy, so I had to take my run indoors. To the treadmill (dun dun dun). When I began running (Couch to 5K all the way yo), I did it primarily on the treadmill. I thought it was easier than running outside. Technically it is easier than running outside. Since my humble beginnings, I've moved into mostly outdoor running. Honestly, I think that's easier now. Instead of staring at a wall and watching the clock slowly creep up, I have pretty scenery and I know I'm done when I complete my running loop or whatever.  So on this dreary Wednesday morning, I dragged my ass to the treadmill and ran for what felt like the longest 30 minutes of my life. I couldn't even run at as fast as a pace as I do outside (which, mind you, is not very fast anyway). I tried listening to podcasts, watching TV, listening to music. None of it worked. The treadmill is terrible. You have to have a lot of mental strength to run on the treadmill, and apparently I am not mentally strong. I don't know how I'm going to make it through winter when arctic weather forces me to use that god forsaken machine.


4. Cooking is more exciting the longer you've gone without grocery shopping.
Grocery shopping is a necessary evil. Although now I can do it without having insane amounts of anxiety. I'm really growin' up I guess. However, I'm pretty busy and semi-broke, so I try to stretch out the time between grocery trips as long as I can. Right after grocery shopping, I usually have a few meals planned out, but once my food gets scarce and I'm kind of scraping the back of the fridge for ingredients, that's when things get interesting. It's really as close as I'll get to being on Chopped.

Tasted 100x better than it looks, I promise.

One of my best bottom-of-the-barrell recipes was created this week. I cooked up the last of my quinoa (a little less than 1/4 cup) with some garlic (which I cook with everything). Then, I made some frozen broccoli and peas in the microwave. I combined the quinoa and veggies, along with a wedge of Laughing Cow Swiss. Finally, I made two eggs-over-easy (with runny yolks) and placed them on top of the quinoa-and-veggies. I spiced up the meal with some smoked paprika, adobo, and pepper. I have no idea how this brain child of mine formed, but it was gooooooood. This is something I'd make even if I wasn't scrounging for food (truly the highest of compliments).

May the coffee be with you.

So, yeah, that's it for now.

I'm sipping on my venti-iced-coffee-with-skim-only from Starbucks and mentally preparing myself to go for a run. It's nice out, so no treadmill necessary (thank GOD). I just have a few questions for you lovely readers:

Is there anything you've done recently that you're surprisingly passionate about? Have you recently lost passion for something?

What's your best I-have-no-groceries-and-need-to-eat recipe?

And finally...the age-old question: HOW do you make running on a treadmill not suck? Or at least suck less?

-Kulie Julie

When Coffee Betrays

This morning I woke up at 7:30, made coffee, and poured it in my to-go mug at 8:15 as I was headed out the door to my internship. This is my routine every Tuesday and Thursday.

This medium devil ruined my life (well, maybe just my afternoon).

Cut to 4:15. I just got out of an appointment with my therapist (god bless Iris), was feeling super anxious, and was craving a medium-iced-mocha-with-skim-only from Dunks (I realize I posted a few days ago how I felt Starbucks is superior, and that still holds true, but sometimes I just want a medium-iced-mocha-with-skim-only from Dunks. It's the New England in me. Or the chocolate addict in me, I feel like it's not really unhealthy if it's in coffee, right?), and lo and behold, there is a Dunks literally right across the street from Iris's office (99% of the time there is a Dunks across the street from wherever you are around here, so this was not a strange occurrence). I have a rule that I can only have one serving of coffee a day (by serving I mean like 16-20ish ounces), but I was feeling vulnerable. Thus, I let myself indulge and get the coffee. And you know what, it was delicious. It was just what I needed. Until I finished it. All of a sudden the caffeine kicked in. But not in the way I wanted it to. Oh no, the caffeine kicked into my body and shut off my brain. It was one of those weird moments where my body was shaking, yet my brain was mush. When I got home and started to make an omelet for dinner, I kid you not, I cracked an egg onto a plate, not into a bowl. I cracked a raw egg onto a plate. Coffee, HOW could you betray me like this?!

Look at your life, look at your choices.

I'm just now coming out of my caffeine-induced haze (5 hours later). I think part of the reason I'm writing this blog post is so that next time I want a second serving of coffee, I will have written evidence of what that is NOT a good idea. Oh, and to, like, show other people the dangers of caffeine too, I guess (you're welcome (please note, I'm being sarcastic, does that translate through blogging? I'm new still)). Next time I have a craving for a damn medium-iced-mocha-with-skim-only at 4:15 in the afternoon maybe I'll get decaf. Wait. No. I won't. That's blasphemy. 

What do you do when you have that  medium-iced-mocha-with-skim-only at 4:15? I need a new coping strategy. Clearly answering the craving is a mistake.

-Kulie Julie

Morning Workouts are Rad (when they're done)

This morning I woke up about an hour before my alarm was supposed to go off and couldn't fall back asleep. So I exercised. I'm sorry WHAT?! Who am I?! Over the summer I'd set my alarm early to get my ass up for a run before the heat got oppressive, but now that fall is in full swing and I have class and obligations in the morning, I've moved my workouts to the afternoon.

Back to this fine morning, though. As I was laying in bed realizing that I was not falling back to sleep, a little voice creeped into my brain that said "go for a run." That stupid voice got me out of bed and running into the 38 degree morning. I actually don't mind this weather for a run, although I should have brought gloves (I wore capris and a long sleeve shirt and was warm enough, I just have the circulation of an 80 year old and my hands get real frozen real fast). Surprisingly, I felt pretty good during this run; usually morning runs are a drag for me.

Of course, the best moment was when I finished. The saying "you'll never regret a workout" is 1 million percent true. Morning workouts are rad once you've finished them and don't have to think about it for the rest of the day. To be honest, all workouts are rad once you've finished them. The other night I was on my way back from a long day in Boston and did NOT want to go to the gym (side note: I hate the gym, I'd much rather go for a run outside, but I like to do some strength training and it's the best place for it). I knew I had to go, and came home to my roommate headed out the door to the gym. So I went. And I did not enjoy myself too much. And I felt fantastic after! Endorphins are crazy man.

Speaking of the gym and working out and whatnot, I think I am going to do a "How to Lose the Freshman 15" post in the near future. There are literally millions of these on the internet, but hey, as someone who successfully lost (and kept off) the F15 why not add mine to the pile? Is that something that anyone would be interested in? Let me know!

-Kulie Julie

Anxious 5ever

Have you ever written a list about everything you're anxious about and then gotten anxious about the length of said list? No? Just me? (*adds this to the list*) 

I have anxiety. I've struggled with it my whole life. It fucking sucks. Now I know there are a lot of things that are a lot worse than having anxiety (depression, cancer, ebola, ect.) and the fact that I complain about having anxiety while knowing full well there are people with way bigger issues gives me anxiety. I guess if you saw my list you would see that everything gives me anxiety. I see a therapist (which I'm very open about, is that taboo?), I have coping strategies, but lately I've just been feeling super anxious. I literally had an anxiety attack in class last week (luckily my professor was very understanding and let me leave class for as long as I needed to). I think it's due to a combination of changes that kind of just all happened at once: I moved into a new apartment and I have a million things going on (class, internship, play, being a research assistant, applying to grad school, trying to have some sort of social life). I think another part of it is my anxiety over being perpetually single, while being surrounded by people in relationships. I kid you not, literally all of the people I am closest to are in relationships. Every. Single. One. Side note: where do you find nice boys?! Certainly not in bars, or in class (because 90% of the people in my major are girls), or on Tinder (although Tinder is kind of hilarious). Anyway, yeah, I'm just a ball of anxiety right now. I need to stop procrastinating everything and stop being so hard on myself. I know if I get my shit together and stop freaking out about social stuff things are more likely to fall into place. Well, hopefully.

Okay, now I should make a grad school checklist or something. I'm feeling productive. Why is it that as soon as the clock strikes midnight I feel as lively as I do post-coffee? Wait, I just yawned. I'm in this weird mesh of being tired and wired (HAH rhymes). Dios mio.

-Kulie Julie

Halloween BEGINS

Halloween came early this year. I mean, it’s coming again for Halloweekend, so I suppose I should say Halloween started early this year. Hey, don’t judge me, the iced coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. My friend has a beach house up in Maine, and he had a little Halloween party yesterday. It’s great to go up there and see people that I pretty much only see the 3-4 times a year he has these get-togethers. Although not everyone was in full Halloween spirit at the party (i.e. they were not in costume…those fudgers) I, of course, was. I went as the one, the only, the princess of Food Network (Ina is the uncontested queen, obvi), The Pioneer Woman: Ree “Bad gal ReeRee” Drummond. I realize this is a very obscure Food Network reference, but with the crowd at this party, I could get away with it. People either knew who she was, or got a pretty good feel for who she when I started smiling super wide and beginning all of my sentences with “Ladd and the kids…” If you don’t know who the great Ree Drummond is, please watch an episode of The Pioneer Woman on Food Network. Or binge watch all of them on Netflix! Or read her blog (thepioneerwoman.com), I think that’s where she really shines. 

That's me on the left, and Ree on the right (just in case you needed clarification, I know, I know, we're basically twins)

Other notable costumes at the party were my best friend Elizabeth and her boyfriend Derek’s couple costume of Tina Belcher and Jimmy Jr. from Bob’s Burgers. Very funny, and very accurate. 

Now I’m at my parents house, finishing up my venti-iced-coffee-with-skim-milk-only from Starbucks (because I am a closet coffee snob and Starbucks’s coffee is way better than Dunks, please don’t tell anyone this, as a New Englander I should bleed Dunks). I’m going on my “long run” (which is not actually that long, like 4.5-5 miles, compared to my normal 3.5) as soon as the caffeine kicks in. I ate 3 slices of Elizabeth’s delicious, amazing, out of this world homemade pizza and countless Kit-Kats and Reese’s last night. Gotta work it off somehow (TayTay’s “Shake it Off” just started playing in my head, please don’t tell anyone I like that song either). Also, my family is having a cookout later (hence why I am here and not at my apartment) so I guess I’m kind of pre-emptively working that off as well. I cannot resist a good burger, and as the weather gets cooler the burgers get more scarce. 

So anyway, happy almost Halloween to y’all (Oh god, I’m still Ree). I’m trying to figure out what costumes I’ll be wearing on Halloweekend. I don’t think Ree will be as well-received at the bars or parties at school. What are you guys planning on doing for Halloween? Please, tell me so I can steal your ideas :) Kidding (unless they’re really good). Also, Dunks or Starbucks? Am I alone in my coffee snobbery? 

-Kulie Julie